AT ODDS
Recent events have created tension for me. Internal conflicts. Things about me. Things about our world. Things about the church. Opposing feelings and thoughts jockey for position within me.
I have been very disturbed by the recent car theft and beating that took place in Michigan. A young man who has been in and out of jail beat an elderly man badly and stole his car. Only a couple yards away, several adults looked on but did nothing. I'm not sure what bothers me most. Is it that violence and crime take place at all? Is it that correctional facilities don't really work, can people really change I wonder? Is it that capable people were not willing to step in? Or is it the reality of all of these things manifested in my own life. How do I hurt people? Have I really changed? Do I help others when I can?
Evangelical icon (as he's been described), Jerry Falwell passed away yesterday. There are few things that Reverend Falwell and I would agree on. We may both consider ourselves Christian, but similarities end soon after. His church, school, ministries, theology, focus, tact etc. are all much different than mine. Yet I am deeply saddened by his death. And not just because a human being has died, but because Jerry Falwell has gone. I have not been able to work out why, but agree or disagree with the man, he loved God, wanted others to love God, and he will be remembered as a prominent figure in the history of Christianity.
I received a phone call this morning from the assistant to the senior pastor of a large church in Southern California. The pastor is speaking on church planting at a conference in a couple weeks and so want to get the pulse on what is happening with specific churches. For some reason, there was interest in Citywalk. I struggled through the assistants questions. Standard units of measure applied to each of her questions, if you know what I mean. When did you start? How many people attend? etc. It bothers me that these are the things that people want to know. It bothers me more that my insides churn when I answer. The "numbers" at Citywalk are smaller than "typical" new church plants, I know this...I expected this. But. But what will people think about us? Will we be validated? Will we even be mentioned in the conference? How am I doing as a pastor? There are few things I really hate...but I hate that I think and feel these things.
embracing life
Another perspective on life, worldviews, and God - and how they all fit together in everyday experience. Simple stuff.
2 Comments
3:16 PM
steve
i'm writing a song right now called "you're wrong." it's coming out of a lot of conversations i've had with different people lately about the shift that's happened between my parents' generation and mine in how we look at truth/morality/right vs. wrong. my parents, and their parents before them, have a very strong, well-defined sense of right and wrong. but more than that, the idea of "being right" is really, really important to them. it's what matters most in their life, their afterlife, their faith - everything comes down to knowing the truth and acting rightly. Falwell falls into that category as well.
for me, and many in my generation, there is a big shift from a "right-centric" mentality. i don't look at the world and think, 'i need to have a handle on the truth, i need to be on the side of rightness, i need to associate myself with what is correct, identify with it, build my reputation on the fact that i have the truth - and then i need to help other people see that they're wrong and need to have the truth that i do.' that's just not how i want to operate. i see the world, and it's still a mess as always, and i see all these different people fighting with words or weapons, and it's all because each group or individual is white-knuckling his/her claim to the truth, to what is right, and can't co-exist with someone who thinks differently. so i (and many like me) see this and say, 'truth is overrated. there has to be a better way of life that doesn't center around always doing the right thing, always being right, and always striving to make others see things the way you see them.'
so i've been thinking about this push from older generations (and still several in my own generation) to make me define what i believe, to take a stand for some truth, to point out what is right and what is wrong. and i am so reluctant to do that, because i don't want to say what is right, because that immediately puts me at odds with the people who say the opposite. and i don't want to be at odds, i don't want to battle, i don't want to fight and create something called the "moral majority" that is opposed to what, the "immoral minority"? the idea repulses me.
but if i absolutely HAD to say something about right & wrong, i think the first thing i would say is that i'm sure it's wrong to value "rightness" over people. and i'm sure it's wrong to set yourself up against other people ideologically - to say that we must fight for truth and fight for what is right.
it's not that i'm saying there is nothing that is right, there is no truth. i don't think most people in my generation are saying that. but to have a "right-centric" mentality as opposed to a people-centric or a love-centric one is what's really wrong. if i had to make a values statement like that, it would be that love must rule. not morality, but love. not 'having the truth', but having love. not law, but love.
someone contacted me yesterday to see if i had heard yet that Falwell had passed away. this person knew that i didn't have a lot of personal respect for Falwell's way of thinking, and was half-joking that i would be glad to hear of his death. realizing that i had left the impression that ANYONE's death would come as good news to me made me a little sick to my stomach. because it's just not about me being right and Falwell being wrong (or vice versa). i don't want to set myself up to have enemies! i don't want people to think i will be glad when Pat Robertson or Dr. James Dobson die! that's not the point. but it seems that not being vocal about what is right can garner you opposition just as easily and standing up for it can.
i am really not sure how all this applies to your blog, except that hearing your personal anguish (oh, let me be dramatic) over valuing things like statistics and figures and charts instead of valuing the impact in one person's life made me think of all the stuff i've been pondering lately. i see citywalk not as an organization with a values statement that is out to grow by adding numbers to our group of people who "think like we do." i see it instead as just the vehicle you use to impact a life. and invite other people into, so they can impact a life as well. and on it goes.
in the end, there just are going to be people who get upset because you won't say what is right, or (even worse!) you won't do what they think is right. much like you are ok with saying you hate the way of thought that says to do the right things to grow your church in numbers & financial increase, i am ok with saying that it's wrong to go to war (figuratively or literally) with someone because his "right" doesn't match my own. morality/rightness just isn't worth it if it costs us the understanding of our one-ness and same-ness, if it costs us a relationship.
sorry my reply was longer than your whole post. i hesitate to hit "publish" because the track record tells me my not-so-moderate views may invite a friendly correction from you, but whatever - it's not about who's right. :)
4:13 PM
This is the sort of comment that I wish would find its way into my blogs more often. Thoughtful and insightful. And for anyone interested in the pursuit of God, helpful.
It's not so much you correcting me, or a friendly correction back from me to you, as much as it is our lives, our thoughts, our questions, our values etc. helping each other, prompting further thoughts and feelings...growing together.
When we value relationships over rightness, we in essense value what it right. When we live in relationship and center ourselves around the way of love first, I am hopeful that something beautiful will happen.
A sense of rightness will emerge. Truth will be evident. It will be beautiful.
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