By Steve

WARNING: If you hold pastors on a lofty pedastal, the following will help to correct your perspective.

I failed today. I already messed up my New Years resolution. Sort of. It was actually one of my goals not my resolution, either way I failed. So just where did this perfect pastor lose his way? I found myself lured back into Starbucks for a morning coffee and pastry. Maybe not so tragic to some, but it is a big deal. That stupid green queen has an attractive pull that I cannot resist. Even as I walked towards the store I found myself saying I shouldn't go in. But I did. As I sit here typing and drinking, I'm wondering why I still sip against my own will. I will regret it soon as my stomach hurts, my hands jitter, and my waiste line grows. And next time I see my online banking I will regret having given the barista my debit card.

Quitting is so hard.

Why did I buy that coffee, go out with that girl, look at that website, say those words, think those thoughts, light up with anger, and so on...

I resonate with the writer of Romans when he asks, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do." There is a gentle line in the wisdom of Proverbs (26:11) that says, "as a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."

I am a fool.

While I was standing in line, against my own will, I began to realize that this was more than just failing at a goal, it actually was going against my resolution. I don't want to spend money on coffee tasting prune juice. It was not good use of my time to stand in line with the 20 others (I actually did count) hoping to find a morning rush of yumminess. And so I resolve again today. No Coffee.

It seems that we often ask big questions about God. You know, like why do bad things happen, but are we willing to ask them of ourselves. Could it be more helpful to ask the questions of ourselves than of God. Why do I do bad things, or passively stand by while they happen. We could ask (and I believe we often do) why is it that God doesn't do the things that I want him to, or we could ask why it is that we don't do the things that God wants us to do. Perhaps if we work on the second part, the first may look different. Perhaps.

I have many ideas why we keep returning to our vomit (and in fear of sounding cliche) I believe that it is precisely at these times that we need to pursue God either individually or better yet, with our faith communities. What is it that I look for in this brew...how could I find that in God? Could it be that God is far more stimulating than a caramel machiatto?

What I am certain of, is that few of us need to be called a fool. I don't need to be told that I failed or that I am wallowing in vomit again. What may be the best theological thought stimulant of this page...we need to be people willing to go into the vomit for the sake of helping each other out, then stand together to help keep each other from returning.

(apologies for oversimplifiying)